Human hubris and ego. There is nothing else need be said on this. Why is a full article devoted to discuss this further? The aim is to relate the sinking of the Titanic and how it parallels the sinking of many a relationSHIP whether it be with our friends, colleagues or with our loved ones.

The days before the said event, ice warnings were relayed to the ship operators by radio. The ship, however, continued to steam at full speed, as was the common practice of those times. This great tragedy cannot be attributed just to the mistake of one man, the captain or even the crew. Despite the threat of icebergs, there had been no major accidents. For example, even when a German ship had once collided with an iceberg, it was still able to reach its destination albeit some difficulty. The captain and the crew did only what anyone in their shoes would have done in a similar situation. The fault lies in humans thinking that the engineering and technology and the maritime rules and regulations of the day were foolproof. It was not apparent to us that we were swimming in an infinite ocean run by Mother Nature, who is far more powerful than we will ever be. The classic case of human pride and ego causing our downfall. However, the event led to better safety regulations and rules, which has since made travelling by ship quite safe.

Human relationships run by the demonic ego will also end up sinking. But before we can enter a relationship or friendship, we have to love ourselves. Self love is the starting point. To accept ourselves as we are, with all our faults, imperfections, quirks is self love. I only state this because it is far easier to love what you deem desirable in you. Without this it is not possible to love another. It is like a beggar trying to loan some money to another. However, the problem begins when there is excessive self love.

No one ever owes you anything. When one carries ones relationship and friendship, with a feeling that everyone owes you something, there is a point when your bubble will burst. I am taking about “I did that for you , so you have to do this for me” attitude. That is the most natural way we all think. What is wrong with such an attitude?

In the book “The Go Giver”, the authors write that 50/50 is a losing proposition. Because at some point, your bucket of receiving will become empty, if you try to fill in to others only as much as you receive. The only way is to go 100 percent and give without expecting anything in return. At first, this looks crazy, yet it is the most natural thing to do. When you ensure that others bucket is always full, people will fill your bucket without you even asking for it. When you realize that you’re a king (or a queen) not a beggar, all your relationships will be deeply fulfilling. When you turn from, what you can receive, to what you can give, you realize how much love you are capable of feeling and receiving. Your ego wants to limit you, turn yourself against yourself, turn yourself against others. But it is false entity. Know that you are King of Kings or Queen of Queens.

How does love without ego look like? Let me tell you about a real king then you will know. People attribute many miracles he performed. Walking on water, turning water into wine, healing sick and troubled souls. But let me tell you a miracle, which no one can deny. Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples and was about to be crucified for mistakes he hadn’t committed, for laws he hadn’t broken. At that moment of great agony and pain, when all had forsaken him, he says, “Forgive them lord, for they know not what they do”. What an all encompassing love is this ?

Forgiveness is love. While such self-effacement of ego, may not be possible for us. In relation to how much we depress the ego, greater will be the joy we will experience. Love is letting yourself become vulnerable. Because in accepting your vulnerability, we realize our true invulnerability says the great teacher Echkart Tolle.

Love is freedom and complete independence not bondage. Love is giving people the space to be themselves. Love is caring but not too much as to stifle or choke them. Love is knowing, when to hold on and when to let go. Love is certainly not judging but yet saying what needs be said, however harsh it may seem. Love is to give everything, expect nothing back. Love is light, patient and forbearing. Love is failing happily, so that someone else is happy. Love starts with duality. I love you. It ends in Unity. There is no I, no you, only Love, Love, Love.

When love marries ego there can be no real happiness. A clever person will not leave the shade of the trees and stand in the scorching hot sun. May be avoid the scorching heat of the ego and enjoy perennial bliss of love.